A Heart in Two Places: The Expatriate Experience (Part I)

The expat experience can be exciting but complicated
The expat experience can be exciting but complicated

As an American, living abroad conjures images of exotic locales and adventure- experiencing sights, sounds and tastes that expand any understanding of how the world works. The expatriate experience can be a marvelous one. The infusion of adventure into everyday life can inspire and challenge. And now, as our global economy expands, more and more people from around the world are taking on the joys and difficulties that comprise expatriate life.

As fabulous as this kind of life experience can be, it is also difficult. It requires adapting to a new culture, establishing a new way of navigating every day difficulties, and managing separation from loved ones at home. Often it entails learning a new language or finding a new job. Of course, these challenges may be part of the appeal of living abroad and the sense of mastery gained by overcoming these obstacles can be very empowering. However, adjustment is a stressful process that can impact health and well-being if there is not consistent and compassionate attention to self-care.

A client recently confided to me that her experience of expat life is complicated by the guilt she feels by being far away from her family of origin. She discussed feeling like her “heart is in two places” and that as much as she feels proud to have established a life for herself in Switzerland, she finds herself feeling paralyzed about future decisions for fear that she might disappoint them.

Another client recounted his deep longing to raise his children in an environment similar to the one in which he grew up, an environment he does not feel like he can access due to his current circumstances living abroad. He reflected on the grief he feels about having to make peace with this reality and his uncertainty about how he will be a parent in a foreign country.

As with most things, the expat experience is not easy to characterize. There are so many variables that influence the adjustment to living abroad and I have found that it is an ever-evolving (almost daily!) experience, one that can feel simultaneously exhilarating and exhausting. It is not unusual to experience difficulties in managing the new challenges that arise when adjusting to living abroad but if you find that the way you are feeling interferes with your mood or with your ability to complete daily tasks (i.e., go to work, maintain hygiene, go out with friends), then it may be a good idea to consult a medical or mental health practitioner for support.  It can be frustrating to find that the life envisioned prior to moving is not the reality but that does not mean that the reality is impossible to manage or enjoy.

For many, life abroad is thrilling from the very first moment. For others, it can take time to settle in and adjust to the many changes. In any case, the courage and hard work required to take this leap into the unknown should be celebrated.

(Image courtesy of Ohmega1982 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

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